


The Parent Trick

by ScatterbrainedLittleSweetheart



Category: Dimension 20 (Web Series), Fantasy High
Genre: (like one scene), Alternate Universe, Brief homophobia, Bullying, Enemies to Friends, Fluff, Gen, I don't know how to tag discussions of parental loss and grief but that, Light Angst, i guess they're thirteen thirteen is a very angsty time, mention of smoking, misogynistic language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-30
Updated: 2020-12-28
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:35:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 17,634
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26706844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScatterbrainedLittleSweetheart/pseuds/ScatterbrainedLittleSweetheart
Summary: What do if your mom starts dating an arch devil of hell? Why you team up with that guy’s preppy daughter to get them to break up. It’s the parent trap but that’s not the plot of the parent trap. It might be the plot of some other movie but it’s been a hot minute since I turned on Disney channel original movies so we’re comparing it to the parent trap. Riz and Fig are dumb immature preteens who really need a hug.
Relationships: Figueroth Faeth & Riz Gukgak
Comments: 48
Kudos: 38





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So I have never written fan fiction before and I haven’t written fiction in years but for some ungodly reason Dimension 20 opened up a hole in my brain that has given me more ideas and creativity than ever before. I’m writing...like a story...for real... and it was fun and not painful and I didn’t want to burn it as soon as I read it. Dear god what is happening to me. I ask of you one thing: please be nice. I don’t think you realize how hard this is for me a and how much I hate showing any sort of creative or vulnerable side of myself. You don’t even have to like this, just be nice to me. Make me not feel like an idiot.  
> Now that I’m done over sharing, some background information on what this fic is: this is an AU where Gorthalax was never trapped in the gem and is now dating Skolnda years before the events of Fantasy High, Gilear and Sandra Lynn have been divorced for years now, and Fig, who is 13(and so is Riz), has just started hanging out with her biological father now that she’s reached tiefling puberty. If you think of some sort of plot hole, ignore it. I don’t care, I want to write child characters and cute sibling fluff not create a lore heavy epic fantasy.

There are a million things Riz would rather be doing right now. He could be trying to solve the __ Case. He could be watching reruns of unsolved mysteries. He could even be with Penny right now, she had a math competition and she had said he could come watch her. But no, Riz wasn’t doing any of that. He was sitting with his mom on the ancient worn out couch in their apartment’s tiny living room and there was a ten foot tall devil with a girl chewing her fingernails sitting in front of them.

It all seemed to happen so fast. Sklonda decided to start dating again. After going through a string of rather mediocre men she somehow settled on the literal ruler of one of the nine hells. They started getting serious, he told Sklonda he had a daughter he was getting to know, they started making plans for the four of them to meet up, and Riz was trapped in a living nightmare.

No one had asked for Riz’s input on all of this, at least not genuinely. Sure Skondla has asked if Riz was cool with all this but she wasn’t really asking. She didn’t want Riz’s real answer. In fact, she probably already knew it. She knew that none of this was okay. She knew that if Pok wasn’t coming back, Riz and her could handle everything just fine by themselves. She knew that literal strangers shouldn’t be allowed inside their home, making plans for fun and adventurous family outings.

“So, how’s the job hunt been going?” Skolnda asked, making a futile attempt at small talk. 

“It’s going,.. But today’s not about that. It’s about getting to know each other. Hey, Riz is that a new walkie talkie you got there?” Gorthalx said.

“It’s not a walkie talkie.” Riz mumbled.

“I’m sorry can you say that again.”

“It’s not a walkie talkie.” Riz said in a just barely louder mumble.

“One more time.”

Sklonda elbowed him.

“It’s not a walkie talkie. It’s a sonic solar locating telecommunications device. It’s a serious device used by actual spies to communicate with each other” Riz said exaggeratedly enunciating every word.

Gorhalax didn’t seem sure how to respond to that.

“Cool.” He settled with. 

“Riz, this is Fig, Gorthalax’s daughter, “ Sklonda said pointing at the elf girl next to him.

Wow, really, I thought that was another daughter Gorthalax had, Riz thought but he held his tongue. Sklonda was understanding but this was not a time she would tolerate his sarcasm.

Fig was a wood elf with pale skin that might’ve had just the hint of a red undertone to it and brown hair that flowed down her back. She was wearing a pink sundress and a white cardigan with embroidered flowers on it. You’d never have guessed that a 2 ton, ten foot devil had given her a hint of his DNA if it weren’t for the small nubs of horns growing out of her forehead.

To her credit, Fig didn’t come off as any happier than Riz. She was sitting slouched on their couch with a scowl on her face. Her arms remained crossed except for every few minutes when she would reach to her forehead and rub her horns, almost as if checking to make sure they were still there. 

“Hi,” she said with all the passion of a retail worker on their last shift.

“Hi,” Riz said back with equal enthusiasm

“So aren’t you a cheerleader? I bet that’s fun.” Sklonda said

“I guess.” she replied.

“She’s really talented. You should have seen her at the last game.” 

Fig made a face as if the memory of the game left nothing but bitterness in her mouth. 

Riz thought he might have recalled seeing a similar looking elf cheering for one of the rival teams at his school, not that he ever paid much attention to it. 

“Well, you didn’t come here to make small talk, “ Sklonda said and then paused as if on cue

“We came here for the annual Elmville Fair.” Gorthalax and Sklonda sang cheerily in near perfect unison as they had been planning this for days.

Riz didn’t like calling him mom lame but she was really pushing it.

Riz wondered how hard it would be to just run off. He was pretty small. He could probably just crawl under the car while Sklonda and Gorhtalax were making lovey eyes at each other. He could probably sneak off. By the time they reached the fair, he could be watching reruns of crime documentaries and eating cereal from the box. No, that wouldn’t work as soon as Sklonda noticed that Riz wasn’t with her she would rush straight back home.

So Riz gave in and followed them to Sklonda’s car. Riz was just getting into the passenger’s seat when she put a hand on his shoulder.

“Um, Riz sweetheart. I know you usually ride next to me but today, I thought it would be nice if Gorthalax sat here. You can ride in the back next to Fig.”

Riz frowned but he didn’t feel like arguing with her so he got in the back sitting as far from Fig as he possibly could. As he buckled himself in he saw a note had been left beside him. He read it.  
Don’t say a single word to me on this ride. I don’t care what they told you. I do not need a brother.

Well, you didn’t have to tell him twice. Riz spent the ride messing with his device. He glanced over and Fig and saw she was deeply engrossed in her crystal.Riz felt a pang of jealousy. Riz had wanted his own crystal for a while but he never asked for it knowing Sklonda couldn’t afford it.

Daughter of a literal devil and all I get stuck with is a spoiled cheerleader. He thought.

The ride went about as well as it could’ve gone. They rode mostly in silence except for Gorthalax and Sklonda making a few attempts at small talk that were quickly shut down. But then they finally reached their dreaded location: __.

The fair wasn’t that bad in of itself. The food was way too pricey, the games were all rigged and it had years and about two people had died on the Drop of Fire but all that wasn’t the real reason Riz didn’t want to go. It was the fact that the last time Riz and Sklonda had been here Pok was still alive. It was the fact that every year Sklonda had made plans to go but she was always either too busy or too low on cash. It was the fact that Riz’s life was moving on and changing and he had no input in it whatsoever. 

“Looks like they added a ride.” Sklonda said in a voice that was just a bit too cheery. He hated the voice she made whenever she was around Gorhtalax. The one that went ‘yes, I am just a happy mom in a nice normal family” !

“I have to go to the bathroom.” Fig said. 

“ Okay, I guess we’ll wait out by the stands for you.” 

So before they could do anything that might’ve been remotely fun, they had to wait for little miss perfect to attend to her business. Gorthalax and Sklonda were taking photos at the potraits near the stalls, behaving in the most cheesy way possible. There was no way Riz was enduring this for an entire afternoon. He had to plot some sort of escape. Maybe if he could create some kind of diversion or distraction he could give himself some time to sneak off and hide out in some place: probably The Coven. He could play it off as having gotten lost and by then it would already be so late that they’d have to head off. 

Riz began searching around the fairgrounds for a way to enact his plot. Riz searched through his pocket checking to see if he remembered to bring it: a quarter sized, smoke bomb. It was completely harmless but it created enough smoke to drown an entire household. He had secretly bought it the last time he went grocery shopping with his mom. 

As discreetly as he could, he threw inside of the dart booth. The dwarf running the stand quickly screamed and a crowd began forming around the small booth now completely immersed in color changing smoke. Sklonda, ever the, heroine , quickly ran to see if she could be of any help. Now was his chance! He just had to make it to The Coven. 

The Coven wasn’t really an event at the fair. It was a hidden shack that the workers at the fair would retreat. The technical purpose was for storage but more often than not it was used for gossip, smoking, and other more unsavory business. Penny had brought Riz there once a few years back while she was babysitting, so he knew how to sneak in. He could probably hang in there until they noticed he’d gone missing and began to search for him. He was good at going unnoticed so he probably had about thirty minutes to an hour. He also had the benefit of being bite sized which made the teenagers find him adorable, allowing him to hide out there and even sneaking him in on rides.

Riz grazed his hands among the potted plants hoping to God that the key was still there. It was.  
Unfortunately as he opened the door, he discovered an unexpected guest

Fig, for some reason no longer in her sundress but in a pair of ripped jeans and a t-shirt with the name of band Riz didn’t recognize on it but was pretty sure was known for all the screeching and screaming they did in their songs, was sitting in the corner attempting to snort crushed up chalk candy. 

“What are you doing in here? How did you even get in here?”

Fig glared at Riz and began wrapping the crushed candy into a paper tube she had just created.

“Maybe I disguised myself and snuck in because I wanted to steal fair tickets or maybe it’s none of your business.”

“Well, it doesn’t matter you’re not supposed to be here.”

“Neither are you.”

Riz thought about arguing that he was allowed in but it all felt futile. He’d just turn around and go back to his mom, and just pretend he’d never even left.

“Nevermind. I guess no matter what I do you’ll find a way to smuggle yourself into my life?”

“That’s rich from someone trying to steal my dad away just when I’m finally getting to know him.”

“Believe me I have no interest in stealing your dad away. My mom and I don’t need anyone in our life, especially not a candy snoring elf .” 

“For your information, I’m a tiefling.”

“Whatever, “ 

Riz was just about to make his way back to find Sklonda when Fig called out to him. 

“Wait, Riz!”

She ran up to him.

“You don’t want Sklonda dating my dad right?”

“I mean I’d rather jump off a cliff, so yeah?”

“And I want you and Sklonda to leave us alone. So we have the same goal here. You’re pretty sneaky right, I’ve seen you steal hot dogs from the stands during games and searching for shit out by the dumpsters.”

“What are you getting at?”

“I’ve been trying to come up with a plan to break them up. It's mostly been small ideas, like poisoning Sklonda or putting spiders in her bra but I haven’t been able to come up with anything that could actually work. You actually know Sklonda so you know what’d actually get to her, and you’re supposed to be a detective or something, so if I had your help, this could actually work.”

“You were going to poison my mom!.”

“Yeah, well I’m not doing that now. Look, I’ve broken up a marriage before, I’m pretty sure I can do it again. Just try to work with me for a couple weeks and then we’ll never have to see each other again. Please?”

Riz thought about it. He didn’t want to do anything that would make his mom unhappy, but what could be making his mom unhappier than being with Gorthalax.? Plus, Fig had already proven she was a novice at sneaking in and seemed like she was good at scheming. It seemed unlikely that they could actually break up their parents, but maybe if they had the right plan...

“Okay I’ll help you, but we don’t do anything that will actually hurt my mom. And after this we never see each other again.”

“If you promise not to hurt Gothalax then we have a deal.” Fig spit on her hand and extended it to Riz.

With a bit of hesitancy, Riz spit on his hand as well and slapped her hand.

“We have to go back,” she said. “Gorthalax is blowing up my phone saying he’ll take away my bass guitar if I’m not back in the next five minutes.”

“What are we even going to do at this dumb fair? Everything's overpriced and they won’t even let me on the cool rides because I’m too short.” Riz mumbled.

Fig snorted.

“That shouldn’t stop you. Come on, I’ll teach you how I rigged the ruler so they’ll let you in on anything.”

Maybe this wouldn’t be the worst day afterall.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW depression: I wish I could say after posting fic for the first time I felt a wave of confidence and creativity like never before but instead I fell into the deepest depressive episode I'd had in a while I cannot overstay how much I hate anything that betrays creativity, insight, or even thought coming from my brain. I'm sorry I took so long to update, I've been depressed, I got sick, and overall life is just... a lot. Still I like writing and I like writing this so I'm going to keep at it. I don't get why writers complain so much about writing. That was the easy part, actually posting, that was hard. But seriously if you said anything nice about my work at all thank you so much. I needed it  
> But that's enough about me. Let's dive into the mind of baby Figeroth

Fig didn’t hate her weekends with Gilear. Not really. Sure she might complain to her friends about it or groan whenever her mom told her it was time to go, but in truth there was a lot she liked about Gilear. For one, sometimes he let her stay up late and eat ice cream which her mom would never do but more than that Gilear was just nice to be around. He wasn’t pushy, or strict. He let Fig do mostly whatever she wanted. More than that, he was honest. He didn’t act like everything was perfect and all together. Honestly he’d probably fail at that if he tried.

“Okay honey, where’s your stop.” Sandra Lynn saying the first thing she had said to Fig the whole ride. She doesn’t think she’s ever been particularly close to her mom but it’s been different lately. Something about the fact that Fig was regularly hanging out with Gorthalax. Something about the fact that she knew Fig was starting to like being with Gilear more than with her. Something about the fact that Fig felt like everything about her and what she wanted was changing. But she didn’t talk to her mom about that. She didn’t talk to her mom about anything. 

There were moments, brief moments when she felt like her mom would be open with her. Tell her how she really felt, but those moments went away just as quickly as they came and she was back to her strict, guarded mom persona. 

Fig excited the car giving her mom the briefest and most curt goodbye and made her way to Gilear’s apartment. The apartment could be described politely as quaint and honestly as a dump shack. Still Fig loved it, the smell of old yogurt and moth balls felt like home at this point. 

Gilear looked how he always looked: tired but genuinely happy to see her. He gave her a hug. 

Fig didn’t really want to bother to waste too much time with small talk so soon after exchanging pleasantries she made her way to the bathroom and began searching for a pack of dye she had left inside the counter the last time she was there. She took out her crystal to play a tutorial. Fig had never dyed her hair before she decided this weekend she would finally try it. 

Maybe Fig was dying her hair as an act of taking control of a body she felt she was losing control over ever since her horns sprouted. Maybe she was doing it as an act of rebellion against the abysmal amount of pink and floral she’d been wearing since she was in kindergarten. Or maybe she was doing it because she saw a cute girl with purple streaks at the mall and thought she looked cool as hell with it.

Gilear knocked on the bathroom door.

``There's probably some leftover crackers in the counter and there might be some turkey that hasn’t expired in the fridge.”

Fig tried to hold back “You know the restaurant down the corner actually has a sale. So I was thinking maybe you could be indulgent for once and order takeout.”

Gilear paused as if to consider it.

“Very well then.”

Fig considered her primary goal when she was with Gilear was making sure he was taking care of himself and actually ate. When the takeout arrived, they ate it together while watching Antique Pawn Shop. Fig would never admit it aloud but she enjoyed watching Gilear talk about the history of the items displayed and him getting nostalgic for his days as a diplomat. 

During a commercial break he turned to her and said, “You look like your mother did when we first started dating.”

“I don’t think my mom would ever be bold enough to dye her hair.” 

“You’d be surprised at the person your mother was when she was younger. What I mean is, you look pretty.”

Gilear had always been supportive of her decision. Well, maybe not always, in hindsight his horror at her decision to skateboard off the Strongtower Apartment stairs was probably warranted. 

The two of them went through the rest of the evening without any excitement.. Fig retreated to her bedroom to watch rom coms until it was time to meet up with Riz. He insisted on meeting up during midnight. Fig had gone back and forth on whether or not it was wise of her to involve him in her plans. The kid was a total narc and she didn’t think she’d ever seen anything that didn’t make him look like a 1940s paper boy There was no way he’d be willing to do anything even remotely devious. But still she’d already let him in on her plans and he had agreed to help her. She couldn’t exactly back out now.

She heard the knock on her window that they had created to alert each other that they were waiting. As quietly as she could, Fig snuck out of the apartment. She looked around for Riz and then noticed him hiding inside a hole behind the stairs. 

Riz said nothing but placed his finger to his mouth and shushed, and pointed to a small corner behind the dumpster. She followed him. Still silent, Riz pulled out his trademark briefcase and began taking out a whole host of relationship magazines, psychology books, brochures, and a gigantic binder filled to the brim with tabs, and bookmarks, and everything.

Damn, he took this more seriously than I did. Fig’s fear about Riz not taking this seriously enough had gone in the opposite direction. 

“Sorry we had to meet here, but my apartment isn’t that big and my mom’s a light sleeper so we have to do it here or else she’ll catch us.” Riz said.

“Do we really need all that?” She asked, pointing to the college thesis amount of material he had brought.

“Yes! We have to be precise about this. If we make it really obvious they’ll catch on and we’ll just get in trouble. Plus, relationships don’t break just all at once, they unravel slowly, little things building up until it all comes crumbling down.”

Fig had thoughts about that but she didn’t say anything. No way she was laying out all her family drama for Riz of all people.

“So, here’s what I propose. We have to make them realize how completely incompatible they are. We start with small things. Miscommunication, poking at their pet peeve, then we upgrade, letting each other down,loss of trust, until eventually they realize how crazy this whole thing is and break up.”

Fig was dumbfounded. Somehow The Briefcase Kid was an evil mastermind. Fig thought that she could just sneak plastic bugs into Skondla’s drinks until she got tired of them but Riz had an actual plan.

“We need to do this in as subtle a way as possible. You can disguise yourself, right?”

“I’m not that good at it. I only recently learned how to do it. But I’ve covered for my friends skipping class once or twice.”

“What other magic do you have?”

“Friends, thaumaturgy, ...” Fig continued detailing as Riz furiously wrote it all down in his binder.

They continued to come up with plans for about an hour or so. Fig hated to admit it but Riz wasn’t the worst person in the world to talk to. There was something fun about the way his face lit up when talking about his plans and he was kinda funny, snarky even. Finally, they reached a quiet place in the conversation. 

“It’s kind of hard to see. Did you dye your hair?”

Fig’s hand went almost instinctively to her hair.

“Oh yeah. It’s something new I’m trying”

She really didn’t want to talk about her experiment with Riz. That would mean talking about other things. Like how much she was starting to hate cheerleading, how distant she felt from her friends, how more and more she felt like she was becoming something else, but she wasn’t sure what exactly.

A tiefling I guess, she thought, and then moved her hand up to her horns. 

“It suits you.You look really nice with it.” Riz said.

That wasn’t the answer she was expecting. Who was this Riz Gukgak? This goblin kid that by some freak accident in the universe had found a way into her life. He was certainly a dork, the binder alone made that clear. But he was also something else. He had an edge to him she didn’t expect. He might’ve even been better at scheming at Fig. Creating a plan to destroy a relationship bit by bit was not one for the weak. 

Fig shrugged.

“Thanks, I guess. It’s not really that big of a deal.I guess if we’re finished here, I'll just head out”

There was no way she was going to let him know how much that compliment meant to her. Then he might start thinking she liked him. Hell, she might start thinking that she liked him. So she just turned her way and made her way back into Gilear’s apartment. She had just snuck through the window and had crawled about halfway to her bedroom when she was met with a pair of feet.

“I see you’ve made it back from your midnight rendezvous”

“What do you mean? I was just getting a glass of water.”

“It’s fine. I already saw you out there talking to that goblin boy. You’re not in trouble. I’m just glad to see you’re befriending him.” 

“Um, I was not talking to that kid and there’s no way he’s my friend.”

“Then what were you doing?”

“Gilear, I know your eyesight has been rough lately. You must have been seeing things because I’ve been in my bedroom this whole time.”

She knew Gilear could tell she was lying but he didn’t push it so Fig made her way back into her bedroom. She ignored all the texts her friends sent her about the party they were at. She made the excuse that Gilear wouldn’t let her but really she just didn’t want to go. She didn’t want the reminder that she was different from them. 

She felt like they were catching on. They didn’t say anything to her face but she knew they were talking about her, her horns, her changing fashion sense, the way she was always so affectionate, holding on too tight, never letting go at the right moments as if she was looking for something more (a can of worms Fig refused to open). The more time in person she spent with her friends the more she’d feel that tension, that awkwardness that had been slowly growing between them and the closer she’d get to having to confront it. 

Riz may have been a complete loser and there was no way she was accepting him as a brother or even a friend but he had one thing going for him: he didn’t seem to expect Fig to be the perfect, perky cheerleader everyone else did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote something else (At Jawbone's Office) to make up for this being so late. I promise I'll try to be better about updating this and if I'm running late again, I'll at least try to give you a cute one shot. Again, I love feedback. If you read this far, I love you so much. <3


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ‘Ello I am back. I am slightly less dead and I have more story for you. Took a bit longer then I’d liked and I low key kind of hate it but I might (key word might) be posting chapter 4 in the next couple of days. Please don't expect a regular upload schedule from me. I have no clue what I'm doing. You are reading the fic. That fact that you are doing this is miracle enough.  
> Anyway, more story! Look we’re in fantasy high universe so these kids have to get up to shenanigans. I love writing young teens. They’re making an overload of hormones but common sense isn’t in supply yet. Also I get to spoil you with some cute Penny and Riz content

Their tricks so far had been pretty minor, Fig wanted to do bigger things but Riz told her they had to take it slow or their parents would catch on. This plot however was the most daring thing they’d attempted yet and it relied on the two things Sklonda hated most: poor communication and falling through on plans. 

Riz met up with Fig just outside of the Olive Tavern. Fig had on her usual cheery clothing but Riz could see another band t-shirt peeking out underneath her hot pink jacket.

“Gorthalx is at the music shop a couple shops over. I told him I wanted to check out the next shop next door and then I got him talking to the clerk about old rock bands. That’ll keep him occupied for at least the next hour.”

Riz was automatically reminded of the times when Pok used to bring him to the mall and he’d sneak off. Of course he didn’t mention that to Fig.

“Did you get his crystal.”

Fig held Gorthalax’s slightly out of date crystal in her hand. 

“Great, now we just text my mom the wrong day so she shows up to the date on the wrong day and just hack into his phone to stop their texts from going through.”

“That sounds really complicated. Have you ever hacked into anything before?”

“Not exactly, but you said your dad’s bad at tech right? It can’t be too hard. Plus if this works by the time my mom gets there she’ll be really tired and the longer she’s kept waiting the more cranky she’ll get. People tend not to think straight when they’re tired and cranky, so she won’t even be thinking logically enough to think that he just messed up the dates. We just need to keep them from catching on for the next couple days.”

“I guess. I still say we dye his drinks red and tell her it’s demon blood.”

“That’ll be plan B. You can disguise yourself right?”

Fig transformed herself into Riz

“Hi, my name is Riz Gukgak and I enjoy reading the dictionary and organizing my sock drawer.”

“I don’t talk like that, but that’ll work. Now, transform yourself into your dad and go make a reservation for Friday night.”

Riz had been keeping track of the cashiers running the place, and specifically waited for someone who would be the most easily to manipulate. After waiting a couple of hours he found the perfect culprit: a young, most likely new half elf, that was constantly fidgeting while looking up and down from his crystal. Riz figured even if they thought Fig’s disguise was suspicious, he wouldn’t voice his concerns.

Riz snuck off into corner right of the waiting room just behind the front counter. He pointed the host out to Fig.

“Go talk to them. Turn to me if you need help.”

Even with the appearance of Gorthalax, Fig was clearly nervous as all hell and still had the demeanor of a preppy preteen. The thing was, when a seven foot, muscular, horned devil was talking to you it didn’t really matter how nervous they sounded.

“Hello, I’d like to make a reservation under the name of Gorthalax the Insaitable for a party of two.”

“I see. And is this any complimentary services you liked to be included.

Fig looked questioningly looked up at Riz.

Riz shook his head no.

“Uh, no. No thank you. Just a normal date.”

“And where would you like to be seated?”

Fig looked up to Riz again,

“Somewhere in the back” he mouthed

“What?” She mouthed back.

“Back?”

“Track?”

“What are you doing?” The host, who was growing more anxious by the moment, asked.

“Nothing just mumbling to myself.”

Riz tried to edge closer to them but he overlooked a ledge and tripped.

The host turned around behind him.

“Hey how’d you get in here.” He shouted at the same time Fig shouted. “Get back!”

The server whipped around to face Fig

“Is he with you?”

Failing to think of a good enough lie, she panicked and dropped the illusion.

“Wha-“ The sever exclaimed now on the bridge of a panic attack.

Her cover clearly blown, Fig thought fast.

“Oh my god, we’re so sorry. This whole thing is a big misunderstanding. I only did this because we knew our parents wanting to go out here for their anniversary but didn’t have the time to place a reservation”

‘Your parents?’

“Yeah! Our parents. Are you so simpleminded that you don’t think we could be related. Just because our family doesn’t look like yours doesn’t mean it isn’t real. We knew our dad wouldn’t have the time to make a reservation so we did it for him”

“But it only takes a few minutes to make one. Why didn’t he just call?”

Fig burst into the most realistic tears Riz had ever seen. Her sobs were loud and wet and she even added a quiver to her voice.”

“I knew he wouldn’t understand.” She said and then added a hiccup for good measure. Come on Riz, let’s just go home. I guess Mom and Dad will just have to spend their twenty year anniversary eating take out. And they had been saving up for this for months.”

“Now, wait. They won’t have to do that. ”

Maybe it was because they came up with such a good lie but more likely because Fig was crying so hard that the man would do anything to get her to stop, he wrote the reservation in.

“Thank you. Thank you so much. You don’t know how much this means to us. And I see you have an ice cream machine. Can we use it. I see it says free.” Fig said.

“Yes, but it’s supposed to be complimentary with your meal.”

“Oh, okay. Never mind them. It’s just been so long since I had a real dessert. Come on Riz let’s see if we can find some candy stuffed under our sofas. That might be the best we get tonight.”

“Um, well I suppose I could make an exception just this once.”

“Really? Oh my god, you’re the nicest server ever thank you.”

God, Fig was good. Riz never would’ve been able to pull off a deception like that so well, plus now he was getting ice cream.

Riz was diving into his ice cream when he noticed Fig had decided to sit next to him.

“Aren’t cheerleading tryouts today. Shouldn’t you head off to your dad so he can take you?”

Her face dropped and her shoulders slouched.

“Don’t remind me.”

“Do you actually like cheer?”

“I used to or someone like me once did. I’m not- I don’t- You ever feel like your friends don’t really like hanging out with you?”

“I don’t have friends.”

“Oh. Sorry.” She got quiet and sort of looked off to the side.

“You’re right. I should be heading out. Gorthalax is going to start worrying about me soon once he stops yelling about how overrated The Ungrateful Dead are. Uh, for what it’s worth this was a lot more fun than any stupid tryouts.”

Riz liked to think he was an expert at figuring people out but he couldn’t grasp what Fig’s deal was. He’d expected a stuck up prep who’d constantly make fun of him but Fig never really did that. She was kinda weird but not in a bad way. Worse of all, Riz didn’t hate her. In fact, he was starting to think she was kinda cool.

-

Everything was going to plan so far. Sklonda had left our half an hour ago and Riz even managed to sneak a listening device on her before she left out. He felt bad about doing all this to his mom but he justified by thinking about how much worse off she’d be if she continued dating Gorthalax. Besides, if all went well this whole ordeal would be over and they could go back to their normal lives. 

Riz held the tracker close to his ear, trying to figure out where his mom currently was. 

“Whatever your plotting, quit it. It isn’t going to work”

Riz looked up from the couch to address his babysitter who was during her homework on his kitchen countertop.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Yes, you do. You’re making the face.”

“What face?”

“Your plotting face. You make it before you carry out some stupid trick like, when you tried to sneak into my backpack to get into Augefort or when you told me to go outside after planting spoons all over the yard.”

“I actually think the spoon prank was hilarious and you should’ve appreciated it more.”

“Touche” 

“ So, what’s the face?”

Penny cupped her chin with her thumb and pointer finger and looked pensively off to the side.

“That’s the most generic face ever. There’s no way you can connect that to me plotting.”

“That face has only ever proceeded the fucked up plans from the brains of Riz Gukgak. The last time you made it was before you stole my lock pick.”

“How did you know about that?”

“I didn’t. But now I do.”

Riz scowled.

“Whatever. That still doesn’t prove anything.”

“Give it up Riz. You’re a good rogue but you forget who’s been at it longer. You can’t out rogue me.”

Riz stuck his tongue and turned his eyelids out at her. Penny in turn did the same to him.

“What’s the device for?”

“Don’t you have homework?”

“Riz, who do you take me for? You know I’d never prioritize my homework over my number one client.”

“I’m sure your teachers appreciate that.”

“I like you more than I like them.”

Riz couldn’t hold back a smile. 

Penny continued.

“Look, I know you’re up to something. A smoke bomb just randomly gets set off during the Elmville Fair? And who do I know who happens to go around carrying smoke bombs in his pocket.”

“That’s the weakest evidence ever.”

“Hmhmm, maybe, but maybe that guy didn’t want to be at that fair, maybe he was with a couple of people he’d rather not be with.”

“Penny you’re making up stories in your head.”

“Maybe. Or maybe a young boy was trying to get out of a family date he didn’t want to be at. And maybe that boy is up to something now to ruin his mother’s date.”

Riz, seeing Penny wasn’t going to let this go, decided to end the conversation.

“I’m gonna go to my bedroom and read over unsolved case files

“Fine. But don’t think you’re off the hook yet.”

He ignored her and closed the door before jumping onto his bed. Riz, now in the safety of his bedroom, turned up the device.

He heard a mumbling that he assumed was coming from one of the servers.

“I’m fine just waiting for my partner.” His mom replied.

If he listened closely enough he could tell she was doing the table tapping thing she did when she was nervous.

“Why aren’t you answering.” She mumbled.

This continued for another twenty to thirty minutes before the waiter came over to her again.

“I’ll give it another five minutes and then I’ll go.” She was trying to hide it but she was definitely pissed. 

Success! Tomorrow Sklonda would probably tell Gorthalax off like she did the last boyfriend who stood her up. Riz wondered if she could also wiretap her for that…

“Sklonda!” Called a booming voice that unfortunately very familiar

“You made it! Oh my god, I was just about to leave.”

“I was trying to get through to you all day but it didn’t go through. That’s when I noticed I accidentally texted you the wrong date. And apparently I did that same for the reservation. Damn, thousands of years are really getting to me.”

“It’s all good. I forget my phone when it’s in my hand sometimes. Let’s get to our table.”

There then was a series of kissing noises that Riz desperately wished he could wipe from his mind.

“I just wish I knew what was happening with my ph-“

The device cut off before gecould hear that last part. He fiddled with it trying to get it to turn back on when he saw a cut wire in her hand.

“Nice try.” Penny said standing in front of his doorway with her arms crossed and a smirk on her face.

“Hey, how’d you do that?”

“I told you, you can’t out rouge me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a head up the next couple of chapters get a lot angstier and I’ve updated the tags. It wasn’t my original intention, it just started getting more intense so be aware of that. Enjoy this cute stuff while it last. I love all the sweet comments, they’re my motivation. No seriously, I read them and go ‘maybe my life does have value and I should put effort into my future’ then go drink some water and stop procrastinating my school work. No matter who you are, thanks for sticking with me, take care of yourselves.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'Ello I'm here again (by pure spite, I forced myself to finish this tonight, my life may be pit of despair but god as my witness I would finish this fic) Like I said, angst (updated content warnings) Fig is one of those characters I latched onto and don't really know why. I sort of stare at her and go "What do I have with you? What am I projecting here?" Can't believe John Mulaney's recent snl stand up predicted my fic. Well sorta. This is a chapter I'm simultaneously very proud of and incredibly nervous about.

“I thought for sure the elevator plan would work,” Riz said as he paced back and forth around the bench.

“Probably should've figured a broken evelator wouldn't be enough to stop an investigator and a devil. 

They had still been meeting up at the dumpsters behind Strongtower Apartments. 

“They just get along too well and I don’t understand it. He likes a ruler of hell and she’s a single working woman. What are they bonding over?

“I think they bond over their love of well organized financial budgets” Fig said as a weak attempt as a joke.

She was tired, cranky, and really didn’t want to be here. Last night was horrible. After avoiding them for so long, Fig decided to actually go to a slumber party with her friends. It was going fine albeit boring until she left to go to the bathroom and overheard them talking about what they actually thought about her

“God, we don't have to keep putting up with her, do we? Have you seen the way she looks at me? At my bed? It’s fucking creepy.”

“Mom’s a slut, passed it down to her what do you expect. I just wish she didn’t get so edgy and emotional after her horns came.”

“Look, I know she’s annoying but we got to keep her around or else we’re sunk for cheer. She’s our best cheerleader and we’ve got no chance of winning the championships without her. So just put up with her for a while and throw the stink eye at her if she starts going all homo on you.”

So they’re thoughts about her were exactly what she feared. 

She was embarrassed to admit that the first thing she did when she got home was blast out on her bass guitar. Fig barely knew who she was anymore but the one thing she always had was her bass guitar. She got it in fifth grade after begging her parents nonstop and promising she wouldn’t get bored of it. She kept through to that promise. No matter how much she changed she always had her guitar. It held her through the divorce, meeting Gorthalax, broken legs, lost games. It was the only constant in her life.

“Accounting isn’t the heart of a long term relationship. Think Fig. What could pull a wench in an otherwise strong relationship?”

Fig knew but she definitely didn’t want to get into it so she just shrugged.

“Wait, I know us.”

“Us?” Fig asked as a jolt of fear and dread struck her body.

_This better not be going where I think it is._

“Children are the biggest adjustment to a new relationship. It doesn’t matter how much you like someone, if you can’t get along with their kids it won’t work.”

_Oh dear god it’s going exactly where I think it is._

“What are you suggesting?” Fig asked gingerly

“I overheard my mom talking on the phone about planning a sort of kid switch where Gorthalax would take me out and she would take you. If we try as hard as we can to make that experience as miserable as possible then they’ll be forced to reconsider the relationship.”

“I don’t know.”

“I know. I didn’t want to make any plans that involved us being bad because then we’d just get in trouble but I don’t think we should do this by behaving awful. We need to make it seem like our fundamental personality is incompatible, that no matter how good we behaved they still wouldn't like us.”

This was just getting worse and worse. Fig didn’t need a plan to show that her personality was impossible to get along with. She already knew that.

“God this might actually work. Gorhthalax would realize he doesn’t belong in my family and it’ll go back to being me and my mom as it should be. Plus you won’t have to hang out with me anymore.”

Fig didn’t think Riz had shown as much excitement towards any of the other plans as he had towards this one. He seemed set on it. He seemed so genuinely happy. She didn’t know why but she felt her heart sink. She knew she was the one who made the deal that they wouldn’t hang out anymore after this. She was the one who didn’t want Riz in her life. Still, Riz was one of the few people in her life she actually enjoyed spending time with. 

But even with all that she didn’t really like Gorthalx and Sklonda together. She already felt like she wasn’t getting to know Gorthalax as much as she wanted to. She already felt like her family was a disaster. Plus it looked like their relationship was starting to get serious. God, what would make her already sinking social standing worse than being the sister to the Briefcase Kid. 

As much as she hated it, this was what Fig was good at. She broke up relationships. She didn’t even have to try, it was just what her existence did. So if she went into a relationship trying to break it up she couldn’t imagine what she could accomplish.

-

“Whoa, you really went all out with this.” Riz said. 

Fig was probably dressed the most punk she ever looked. She’d brought black platform boots and fishnets gloves while at the mall with her mom, ripped up her black tights, and cut the sleeves off of an old jean jacket she had. She had a chain belt holding up her black skirt and she’d painted an archdevil’s marking on her T-shirt. Her hair was still dyed with the purple streaks which complemented the lipstick and eyeshadow she had.

When she looked at herself in the mirror she didn’t hate what she was looking at which was weird because she couldn’t remember the last time she looked in the mirror and didn’t hate what she was looking at. 

When Sandra Lynn saw what she was wearing she raised an eyebrow but said nothing. Fig even thought she was the flash of a smile cross her face which was weird as fuck.

“Yeah, well I had to play the part.”

“It looks kinda cool to be honest.”

Fig blushed.

“Um, yeah whatever. So you’ve got your part down? Bore Gorthalax with as many annoying facts as possible and make you get lost on your way to the escape room.”

“Yeah, I’ve got it. Are you okay? You’ve seemed upset lately.”

“I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m fine.”

“If you’re uncomfortable with any part of the plan I can change it.”

“I said I’m fine. Now shut up Briefcase Kid. Let’s just get this over with.”

She hated being mean to Riz. He’d probably been the nicest to her out of everyone in her life. It’s just she had a mission here and she didn’t need any wishy washy emotions getting in the way of it.

Fig walked into the apartment to see Sklonda and Gorthalax talking in the kitchen. Gorthalx took up practically the entire kitchen space and Sklonda was so small she basically disappeared underneath him. Riz was right. How the fuck were they making this work?

“Oh, Fig, you’re here. You look… nice” 

So far she’d exceeded on first impressions. She could tell Sklonda was trying to be nice as possible but she did a double take upon first seeing her. This wasn’t the pretty in pink and pastels Figeroth she had first met.

“Damn kiddo you look awesome.” Gorthalax said.

Despite herself, Fig smiled slightly. She should’ve known he would be down for the look.

“You remind me of-” He started before glancing at Sklonda

“You know what nevermind. Come on Riz, you ready to fight for survival? You ladies have fun.”

Gorthalax and Riz turned to head out. If the height difference between Sklonda and Gorthalax was something then the one between Riz and Gorthalaz turned Riz into a microorganism.

As soon as they left out Sklonda turned to Fig with the biggest smile on her face. 

This was going to be a long day. 

“So I had some ideas planned, I was thinking makeovers but clearly you’ve got that all figured out. I had some board games set out and was thinking maybe we could bake some brownies but this is all about you and what you want.”

God, how was Sklonda a bigger dork than Riz?

“Uh, I don’t really eat brownies unless they have weed. Wait, ignore that. Do you have anything that’s not, how do I put this, not lame?”

“I see you have a guitar but I don’t think I’ve ever actually heard you play.”

“Oh yeah, 

Fig immediately began blasting Solace Idiot 

“That was from a band called Green Day. I doubt you’ve ever heard of it.”

Fig made sure to sit down on the sofa as slouched as possible, tossing a leg over the armrest for good measure.

Sklonda was trying to maintain a smile but Fig could tell she was taken aback. She shifted slightly and look off to the side.

“I actually have heard of them. That was really cool. I didn’t know you were into rock.”

A knock arrived on the apartment door.

“Excuse me really quickly. I’ll go get that.” She said trying very hard not to sound relieved.

She opened the door to a young halfling girl with blond hair and freckles stood at the doorway. Fig remembered seeing her hanging around Riz and was pretty sure she was the babysitter he’d mentioned a couple of times.

_What was she doing here?_

“Hi, Penny. I’m a bit occupied right now”

“Hi, Sklonda, I just came over to pick up the jacket I left.”

“Oh, that’s fine I’ll go get it.”

“No, I left it in a weird spot. I’ll just grab it myself.”

“Okay, but be quick I have a guest.”

Fig knew nothing about this girl but still she was a good enough liar to recognize one when she saw one. Still, there might be a way to use this to her advantage.

As soon as Penny left Sklonda tried to turn her conversation back to Fig.

“So how long have you been playing guitar?”

“Oh I don’t know since about fifth grade. I just taught myself or whatever. Ever since I found out I’m a tiefling I’ve been trying to connect it with my magic. Hey look at this!”

Fig proceeded to play while casting a minor illusion making it look like the coffee table was on fire.

“Oh dear God!” Sklonda called before backing away. After a few seconds she waved her hand in front of the fire and realized that it wasn’t hot.

“Oh, it’s an illusion.” She said and chuckled nervously.

“That’s not all I can do!”

She blasted her guitar again, thinking maybe she could cast another illusion . However instead she somehow ended up knocking up Penny right in front of the bathroom door.

“Oh my gosh!”

Fig and Sklonda immediately rushed over to her. 

Sklonda waved her hand and tried speaking to her but Penny didn’t wake up.

Oh god. Oh heaven and hell. What did she do!

“I’m so sorry. I thought it was just another illusion. I didn’t think I would- why didn’t I think I wouldn’t do this. It’s just who I am.”

How was everything about her so awful that even when she purposely tried to be terrible she ended up messing things up beyond her control. She felt her throat get hot and felt tears welling up in her eyes. No, she wasn’t going to cry. Not in front of Sklonda. This wasn’t the plan.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I should’ve known I would do this. I should’ve. Now I really deserve you hating me.” 

“Fig what are you talking about. I know you didn’t mean to do this. I don’t hate you. You were probably just over enthusiastic and cast something wrong. It’s okay, sweetheart.”

She tried placing her hand on her shoulder which she promptly pushed away.

“Of course you hate me. Stop pretending! I wish everyone would stop pretending they didn’t hate me!”

“Fig, I genuinely don’t hate you. The whole point of this was to get to know you, who you actually are. I don’t know if the real you is the girl I saw cheering at stands at the last Bloodrush game or the girl I see right now but whoever she is I certainly don’t hate her. You’re so young and so much is going on in your life, you thinking I hate you doesn’t need to be one of them. Look, I don’t think Penny’s seriously hurt.We’ll figure this out, okay?”

It wasn’t supposed to go like this at all. Fig was supposed to make Sklonda think she was annoying, not dangerous. And she certainly wasn’t supposed respond by being nice to her.

She had no clue how to fix this. Why was she like this? Did her whole existence really have to be a mess? Was she just going to keep finding out horrible things about herself? Even when she tried to be in control she still ended up ruining everything she touched.

Sklonda’s phone rang and Fig was able to glance and see it was Gorthalx. What had happened with him and Riz?

“I’ll go get that.” She handed Fig a rag drenched in warm water. “Look, hold this on her forehead. I’m sure she’ll come to in a bit.”

Fig quickly went through the things she could do to fix this. She didn’t want to use magic again since that went so well the first time. She didn’t know cpr but that couldn’t be too hard to figure out. Just when she was about to attempt it, she heard a cough as Penny placed her head on her forehead.

“Oh my god, you’re not dead!”

“No, I don’t think I am.” Penny pinched herself. “Nope, not dead. Hey, aren’t you the daughter of that devil guy Sklonda’s dating?”

“I didn’t kill you?”

“I think you just cast sleep on me.”

Sleep.

She just cast sleep. 

Yeah. 

Yeah, that made sense.

“But didn’t I hurt you?”

“Aside from a slight bump on my head, nope. Gotta say, rocking out so hard on a bass guitar that it knocks out the unassuming girl in the bathroom is pretty rad.”

“I didn’t mean to.”

“Yeah, I figured. You’re young and still figuring out magic. Accidents like this happen.”

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I’m sorry.”

“Whoa, chill dude. I didn’t get too badly hurt and you just showed Sklonda what a badass step daughter she's getting.”

Fig was sure that however Sklonda would describe her badass wasn’t it.

“That wasn’t what I was going for.”

“Still pretty cool, though. Look, I’ll let you in on a secret.” She got close to Fig and in an exaggerated whisper said. “I only came here to spy on Riz. He hasn’t been the nicest about his mom dating habits and I thought he might be out for you and your dad.”

“Huh?”

“I thought I checked to see he wasn’t getting into too much trouble. Getting knocked out via guitar solo wasn’t really my plan but I guess that’s what I get for disrespecting boundaries.”

Penny took a good look at Fig. It was an intense stare and Fig couldn’t even begin to pierce the meaning of it.

This is when she tells me what a horrible person I am.

“Look, I know you’ve got a lot going on and I know it’s none of my business getting into but don’t worry about Sklonda. She’s a badass and has been through a lot and it’s going to take a lot more than a clumsy preteen to scare her off. I know she’s lame as fuck sometimes but humor her for a bit. I promise all she wants is to get along and be friends with you.”

Just then, Sklonda came over to them rubbing her temple and cursing under her breath.

“Hey, Ms Gukgak.”

“Penny! You’re alright.”

“Yeah, I think our friend here just cast sleep. Perfectly harmless spell.”

“That’s great. See Fig, I told you it’d be okay”

“Well, I gotta head out. Peace!” 

Just before she headed out she whispered in Fig’s ear, “When Riz comes back, cast thaumaturgy on the table again. It’d be hilarious.”

As soon as Penny had left Sklonda turned to address Fig.

“So apparently Riz and Gor’s little road trip took a bit of a detour and they’re lost in the middle of nowhere.” She said as she sighed heavily.

“Guess it’s up to us ladies to go rescue our damsels in distress.”

Fig couldn’t tell if this was all part of the plan or if Riz had actually gotten lost. She hoped the plan was going as successfully on his end as it appeared to be on hers, granted she really wished her plans weren’t going successfully in this way.

“Guess, we’ll have to finish this at a later date. But hey, you seem a little weird today. I know it’s hard, and you’re going through a lot of changes right now and adults see, completely out of touch but all I want for you is for you to be happy. More than for you to try to make me happy. You aren’t acting like you were when I first met you. Is this what you really want?”

Fig looked at herself, looked at her diy outfit and new accessories, looked at her bass guitar. She hated being the picture perfect future prom queen. She hated being the bubbly friendly cheerleader when she knew everyone hated her guts. She hated the cutesy girly aesthetic she’d had ever since she was in kindergarten.That wasn’t her. What she was might’ve been a terrible accident that never should’ve existed but it was _her_. She wasn’t cheery. She wasn’t preppy. She wasn’t the pretty in pink, cute on the bloodrush field, object of adoration everyone saw her as. What she was, was really fucking angry.

“It is. This is exactly what I want.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God, this chapter drove me mad. Mostly because I’ve been 99% done with it for the longest yet they’re were a few important word choices that I couldn’t figure out for the life of me  
> I interpret Fig as that one tumblr post that roughly goes "you remember when you were fifteen and thought you were evil but you were just fifteen" Also I really don’t know how magic works, I’m just doing my best with the limited knowledge I have. please excuse my lack of knowledge on pop punk/rock. I’m a yearning indie folk gay, alright.  
> Wow, I’m just about halfway which is good cause I don’t know when I’m posting the next chapter. I love you all, blah, blah, take care of yourselves. <3


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took a while because I've been... I don't know what I've. On the brighter side I actually completed my school project this term, which is impressive only cause last semester I was so depressed I had to do a make up project not to fail. I passed it. Soaringly. And oh my god I'm so happy I'm actually going to finish this chapter, which is impressive only because I should've used up my motivation for the day attempting to bookbind. (something I have almost no experience doing). I'm telling you about this only cause my book binding is a lot like my writing as in time consuming, very difficult, and mattering to no one but me but you know what at the end of the day, it's kind of almost good. And all of this isn't even the best news: I got stickers! (they look like strawberries)  
> I wanted to write a low point for both of the characters so while I don't think it's quite as angsty as the last chapter it's still there. I didn't put everything I wanted to in this chapter, but I felt it was better to have something done then to keep striving for a perfection I wasn't capable of reaching.

Riz had everything all figured out. This was they’re best bet yet. Sklonda and Gorthalx could probably talk through or work out most stuff but how could they work out kids? They were a completely inseparable part of someone’s life, a person couldn’t get rid of their partner’s kid anymore than they could get rid of their arm or leg.It probably wasn’t even going to be that hard since Riz always felt like Gorthalax never really cared much for him anyway.

Still, he couldn’t shake the feelings that there were some bumps in his plan. For one, there was something up with Fig. Something was bothering her even if she wasn’t telling him. She was edgier than normal, and snappy which she really hadn’t been before. It was weird that she thought the goth look made her more unbearable. She might’ve been right about it being a turnoff but something about it rubbed Riz the wrong way. She was very clearly more comfortable in that aesthetic and he had no clue why she wasn’t dressed like that all the time.

Riz dashed Fig from his mind. He wasn’t supposed to care about her. He wouldn’t even be seeing her for too much longer, if luck would have it. Fig was a tool, a means to an end, and as long as she held through on her part of the plan everything would be fine.

Riz knew he could hold through to his. It wasn’t too complicated. Riz knew Elmville better than Gorthalax so he was put in charge of giving directions to the escape room and. Instead of leading them to the room, he’d lead them to an old abandoned warehouse. It was also on the completely other side of town and so by the time they got there, they’re wouldn’t be enough time to make it to the escape room and they would have to just make their way back home.

On top of this, Riz would spend the whole ride talking his ear off. He’d talk about cold cases, investigation techniques,and everything he could think of with one commonality: nobody cared about them but Riz. By the time they returned home Gorthalax would be tired, pissed off and never want to hang with Riz again.

“So, you ready for the escape room. Supposed to be some sort of lost at the woods at night theme.” Gorthalax asked as soon as they got in the car. 

“Yeah, sure whatever.”

An awkward silence passed between the two of them. Maybe he overthought the plan because he overlooked two things: Gorthaax was terrible at talking to kids and Riz was terrible at talking to anyone.

Finally Gorhtalax spoke again. 

“Look,I know this is a very transitional time right now…”

_Oh no. This was going to be a long ride._

“There are a lot of changes going on in your life, and most of them very hard to deal with. You’ve been through a lot, more than most you’re age.I’m not in any way trying to replace your father or even be a paternal figure to you, I just hope I can have a positive impact on your life for however long I’m in it.”

Yeah, blah, blah,blah. If Gorthalax wanted to have a positive impact on Riz’s life the best thing he could do is leave.

Sensing that this was the point to change the conversation and get this show over with, Riz gave out a few directions before taking a book out of his briefcase, making sure to read it in the most obvious way possible.

“Whatcha got there?”

“It’s nothing, just a book of the history of Sol’s secret services since its inception.”

Riz went on and on and on, only occasionally stopping to give more directions. He could always rely on his useless rambling to help him out of annoying situations. It was how he got rid of annoying kids who tried to tease him or adults who found him cute. For the record, Gorthalax looked incredibly interested and not at all annoyed but he was probably just being polite. Also even if he didn’t want to admit it, but Riz was dying at the opportunity to talk without interruption.

Riz rambled on and on while Gorthalax continued to listen intently. Riz couldn't remember the last person he talked to that didn’t seem bored of his monologuing. Even his mom was often too tired or busy to really give him her full attention.

“Hey, I know about that one, the invention of the rangers to Sol.” Gorthalax inserted at one point.

“Wait, what!”

Focus Riz, he told himself. Still the chance to get to hear a first hand account of Elmville. 

“Yeah…” Gorthalax went on about his life as an archdevil and his arrival at Elmvale. 

Riz was about to ask more questions when he realized he was losing focus. He didn't come for cute conversation, he came here to get his life back to normal. He was supposed to be getting on Gorthalax’s last nerve, not giving him the chance to tell his life story.

“You said straight ahead, right.” Gorthalax said, pausing his story.

_Wait, where are we._

“Did you turn at the last exit?”

“Yeah, you said turn right at the next street. ”

Did he?

Riz tried going off the map but he couldn’t tell where they were. Dang, did he get so caught up in useless talk that he lost track of where they were? 

“Wait, I think you’re supposed to turn left.”

Gorthalax looked at Riz skeptically.

“If you say so.”

Around the time he saw the same hill for the third time, Riz pieced together that they were traveling in circles. It’d been half an hour and instead of arriving at the warehouse, they were at...Riz wasn’t sure. 

Wherever they were, it certainly wasn’t a warehouse, or a mall, or even somewhere in the suburbs. It was a dark woodsy area, overrun with rot and weeds and seemed to have weird creeping creatures in every corner, or not corners, open forrest. 

“We didn’t make our way out of town, did we?”

Riz hoped not. He honestly wasn’t sure where they were. That wasn’t good. That wasn’t the plan. What was he supposed to do now?  
_

“Ill head out and look around.” Gorthalax said. 

As soon as he left, Riz immediately reached into his briefcase looking over his notes. Riz had plans for traffic, Fig bailing, and in the case that they did make it to the escape room but no plans for getting stranded in the woods. _Drat. <\em>And he thought he planned for everything. Riz had no experience surviving in the woods but he had read a lot of adventure novels and watched a lot of fantasy Survivor and surely that had to account for something. _

__

Gorthalax came back.

__

“So, try not to panic. There’s no crystal reception. We may be stuck here.

__

“So what do we do now?”

__

“I guess just try to find a way out. I think you should just stay in the car. Wait, no then I can’t watch you. You should come out, but I don’t want you to get hurt-”

__

Yeah, Riz wasn’t dealing with this. He opened the car and got out.

__

“I’ll come out.”

__

“If you're sure about this.”

__

Riz took a quick survey of the area.

__

“We should mark our places so we don’t get even more lost. Then we should survey the area, look for the best place to set up shelter. We can collect water from dew drops or creeks we find, scavenge for nuts and berries -80% of berries native to Sol aren’t poisonous-and I am willing to kill for food if we need to.”

__

“Whoa, kiddo we’re just a bit out of town.We’re not in the nightmare forest.”

__

“But we don’t know how long it’s going to be until we can get back to civilization.

__

Gorthalax stifled a laugh. 

__

“You think this is funny now, wait until night comes”

__

“Sorry I didn’t mean to laugh. It’s good that you’re so prepared.” 

__

“Of course I am.” He said, hoping his trembling wasn’t as obvious as he thought it was. 

__

He continued to move forward, before getting his foot stuck on some weeds. 

__

Gorthalax came over to Riz.

__

“Here I’ll help.”

__

“I can do this on my own, thank you.”

__

“Riz, I know you’re trying to be helpful but you don’t have to be the one to take charge of this situation.”

__

“I wasn’t the one who drove us here.” 

__

That was partially true.

__

“Fair point but you still don’t have to do all the work here. I know you’re used to being on your own and-”

__

“You don’t know anything about me.” Riz interjected. 

__

Things were falling apart even more. Riz was supposed to throw Gorthalax by having a naturally grating personality, not by snapping at him. It wasn’t supposed to seem like he was being intentionally abrasive. 

__

Riz reached in to briefcase and grabbed a compass.

__

“Damn, you really got everything in there.”

__

“And what about it?”

__

“Nothing, it’s cool that you’re always so prepared. Start that shi-stuff early.”

__

Didn’t you rule over one of the nine hells? Kill a bunch of people? Damn a bunch of souls? Isn’t there something better you can do to help?”

__

“Strangely enough those skills don’t translate to surviving in the forest.”

__

“Then maybe you should leave the woods to me.”

__

Riz huffed away, leaving Gorthalax behind. Maybe he could find a cave or an abandoned hut. Come to think of it just living in the woods didn’t seem too bad. If only he could bring books or technology-

__

Before Riz could finish his thought he found he felt himself trip into some strange hole. He saw his life flash before him before a large arm came and grabbed him. 

__

“Are you okay?” 

__

“Of course I am! Now let go of me.”

__

“I’m just trying to make sure you’re okay. You act so headstrong for someone so -”

__

“What? Small, insignificant?”

__

“Young. I know it hard to see it from your perspective but you act like you have to carry around every responsibility in that small briefcase of yours.”

__

“Well, I had to.”

__

“And you shouldn’t have. Look, I’m not trying to take over your life but can you please let me be the adult here.”

__

Riz said nothing but continued to move forward with Gorthalax slowly pacing behind him. They reached a quiet moment. 

__

“Look, Riz I know you’ve been through a lot. I’m not trying to overstep here but maybe you need to-”

__

“I don’t _have <\em> to do anything! If you don’t want to overstep then don’t say anything at all. You don’t know me. You don’t know what I’ve been through. I don’t need your help. I’ve been doing fine just on my own.”_

____

Riz was becoming more and more unprofessional. How could it all be going so wrong? He had everything figured out. He shouldn’t be letting his emotions be getting in the way like this. Focus on the mission, everything else was second.

____

Riz hoped things were going better with Fig. Sklonda could put up with a lot of things but a step daughter who was a pain in the ass wasn’t one of them. Although Fig really wasn’t that much of a pain…

____

He was losing focus. There was still a way to make this work.

____

“Sorry, I didn’t mean…” What could he turn to now. “What were you saying about the rangers.”

____

Gorthalax perked up some at that, 

____

They had been talking for so long they almost overlooked it: civilization or more accurately an empty road.

____

Gorthalax took out his crystal.

____

“I can get the tiniest bit of reception here, why don’t you sit over there while I call your mom.”

____

____

Sklonda arrived surprisingly quickly at barely under ten minutes. Riz had seen her tired before, that was pretty much every day she came home from work, but what he saw right now was more than tired, it was angry, frustrated, confused, but more than that, defeated. 

____

“What the fuck happened to you two?”

____

“We took a bit of a detour.”

____

“How?”

____

“Directions are tricky?” Gorthalax tried.

____

She turned to Riz

____

“Riz, sweetie, are you okay?” ”

____

Riz shrugged.

____

“Give or take.”

____

Sklonda looked back and forth between Riz and Gorthalax. 

____

“Riz get in the car.”

____

“But-”

____

“Get in the car.”

____

Riz reluctantly got in the backseat. Fig was sitting there looking the most enraged he’d ever seen her. Wait, not enraged, sad. If you looked closely it seemed as if she’d been crying.

____

“How’d it go with you?” He asked

____

“I don’t feel like getting into it. I think I succeeded though. You?”

____

Riz wasn’t sure how Gorthalax felt about him. Hell, at this point he wasn’t sure how he felt about Gorhtalax. But was pretty sure this wasn’t the fun father-son bonding experience he was hoping for.

____

“I don’t know. I think it went okay.”

____

From outside Riz could hear Sklonda.

____

____

“I just don’t get how this happened.”

____

“I told you, Riz messed up the directions and we got lost.

____

“This was supposed to be fun! I mean Fig had her whole scare with her magic and everything.”

____

“Wait a minute- what scare?”

____

“It was just a thing where she’d thought she hurt a girl but she didn’t, she just cast the wrong spell.”

____

“What?”

____

“I don’t know. I don’t understand magic. Point is nobody got hurt.”

____

“Why weren’t you watching her!”

____

“I was. I told you-”

____

____

Riz looked over at Fig. 

____

Riz and Fig were very different people. They lived largely different lives, had largely different interests, and came from largely different social circles (for one Fig had one). There were few chances that any sort of connection could ever exist between them, but once in infinity two lines intersect, and so once two minds had exactly the same thought.

____

“Guess your plan was a success.” Fig said

____

“Yeah.”

____

“After all that happened I guess that’s good.”

____

“Yeah.”

____

At least that was good.

____

That was good, right?

____

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, sorry it takes so long for me to post these. I want to say I'll start writing this quicker because the next chapters are shorter but continue to have low expectations for me. I have no skills, or self esteem but somehow lot of determination to do this one thing that yielding very little reward just to prove that I'm capable of doing something with myself. This is not the greatest thing to ever accomplish, however, this is kinda the only thing I'm capable of accomplishing, and that's kind of sad. The fact that you're reading this at all is a miracle. I am constantly torn between my desire to leave society and become a forest bimbo and the feeling of accomplishment and realness I get from posting this. This fic means too much too me. It's not even that it's that good or that I love it that much, it's just that sometimes I hit with the overwhelming wave of "I wrote something and therefore that means I am something. I'm a person who can do things." and that is both terrifying and amazing. All of you who read these completely pointless notes, thank you, I really like talking about myself and also this is therapeutic. Take care of yourselves.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'Ello, lovelies. For once I'm back at a reasonable time. Also while I am posting this at night, it's not super late like my last fics have been. I promise you I don't even like posting at night. It's just that when I try to write during a reasonable hour I just stare at the document and my dumb brain just goes "lol, no bitch" and then the moment I get comfy in my bed my brain goes "write hoe" and when I say no, it says :"you're not sleeping until you write this." so I get out of my comfy bed and take out my Ipad and write the damn story and then because I'm to sleepy to get out of bed I just end up posting it to ao3 from there hoping that everyone is just polite and ignores the glaring typos all because the clown bitch that controls me won't let me have a decent schedule. Thank the gods this isn't worse than it already is. I didn't even proofread shit before I started posting online. That being said, I will admit I do enjoy waking up to essay long comments that I can't at all comprehend but make me go "oh commie, nice."  
> Anyway enough of whatever that was, I've been wanting to write this chapter for a while and I'm really happy with it.

Fig was sitting in front of a dumpster trying to act like she didn’t wanna murder someone or that she wasn’t wishing she was dead. Riz had told her to come visit him for an “emergency meeting” and truth be told she didn’t really have the energy for it. She hadn’t really had the energy for scheming at all, which sucked, because scheming was supposed to be the fun part of this whole messy ordeal.

It was kind of hard for her to muster up any sort of energy at all. It didn’t help that she was wearing the most ridiculous outfit consisting of a pink tulle skirt that she had almost outgrown and a scratchy sweater with tacky sequins heart and an ugly kitten.Her mom was behind on laundry and while she technically did have a few punk clothes, ever since the incident she’d been too scared to dress like that.

This whole week had sucked. She’d spent it being as polite and brief with her friends as she could get away with and hiding in her bedroom listening and playing along to old pop punk albums. Apparently her bad mood was so obvious that her mom actually came in to check on her at one point. She lied and said she was fine because what else was she going to tell her?

Riz arrived, briefcase and news cap at all. That kid really couldn't go anywhere not looking like a complete buffon. Worse, he was probably the least annoying person she’d deal with all week.

“So I think we may have gone about this the wrong way.” He started.

“How? Our plan worked, they’ve barely talked to each other aside from a few brief phone calls all this week.”

“And that’s not good. They need to talk. The only reason they’re avoiding each other is because they don’t want to have to have a difficult conversation. The closer we get them to confronting each other, the closer we get to them officially breaking it off.

It felt like Riz was just making up excuses at this point, but she didn’t wanna come all this way for nothing.

“Yeah, sure whatever.”

“I promise this’ll make more sense after we actually do it. Did you get his crystal?”

Of course she fucking did. Just once she wished her dad wasn’t such a trusting and caring parent and would just tell her to fuck off of his possessions. But no, she asked to borrow his crystal and he just let her, not worrying at all about what nefarious purposes she could want with it. She lifted it up and showed it to him.

Riz nodded his head.

“We just need to ease my mom into talking again.”

“What like seduce her?”

“Please don’t ever mention the word seduce in relation to my mom ever again.”

“How else are we supposed to convince her to listen?” 

She then began jokingly typing while reading aloud.

“Hey babe, sorry I fucked up your kid or something. But I’m willing to let bygones be bygones with the help of a couple of favors, if you know what I mean.”

And then, probably due to her state of annoyance and general defeatedness, Fig made what was the biggest mistake of their whole scheme. She accidentally hit send.

She panicked. No that was an understatement she lost it, but not loudly. She froze. She went quiet. Riz tried talking to her but she didn’t respond. She was both a million miles away from now yet also nowhere at all. 

Riz glanced at the crystal.

“Oh, oh.”

He picked it up.

“Don’t worry. We can still fix this. This isn't’ the worst thing to happen. There’s still time we can delete it and-”

Fig struggled for a bit and then found her voice. 

“What does it matter? What does any of it matter? All of this We’re just trying to break something in a way it can’t be broken. It’s just putting off the inevitable. I don’t care what your stupid articles said. Relationships don’t break because of one petty argument sure they may weaken it but they’ll just keep ignoring the cracks until it finally just breaks down because of the weight of some big, unignorable, thing, of some per-.”

Her breath became short and she felt heat rising through her body, her throat got tight and she could feel her eyes welling up.

No, no here not now. Not in front of Riz. Please, anyone but Riz

Riz tilted his head, the confusion on his face clear, but he moved to put his hand on her shoulder.

“Fig, are you okay.”

“I’m, I’m, no. No, I’m not okay. I’m upset, and I’m angry, and I hate everyone, and I mostly hate myself. But it doesn’t even matter cause I’m pretty sure everyone hates me back.” 

She gave up on trying to hold it in. She just accepted that this was where she was now, sitting on the pavement in front of a dumpster in a ridiculous outfit crying her eyes out in front of Riz Gukgak of all people.

“Well, I don’t hate you.”

“Shut up.”

“No really. I don’t hate you. I thought I would but I don’t. I actually think I really like you. You’re really funny and smart. You saved my ass back at the restaurant and it’s just kinda fun to hang out with you.”

She looked at Riz, looked directly at him and stared at him really hard for even the slightest signs of trickery or insincerity. She wiped away tears and snot and rubbed it on her skirt.

“I don’t believe you but honestly I like hearing that from someone like you.”

“ What do you mean someone like me?”

She sniffled. 

“I don’t know smart, fun, cool?”

“I don’t think anyone has ever called me cool.”

“Cause they’re jerks. I don’t believe you actually like me but for what it’s worth I do like you.”

Riz reacted confused at first before coming towards her and wrapping his arms around her in a hug. Fig’s first thought was to back away but she wanted this. She didn’t realize how much she wanted affection and how much she wanted someone to unreservedly come towards her. She didn’t realize how much she wanted to give affection towards someone else and to know that they wanted it from her. She hugged back. 

“Um, I don’t know if I should bring this up, but can I ask you something.” Riz said

“Uh, I guess.”

“Why do you dress like that? I mean in the pink stuff. It’s not bad, it’s just when you’re dressed in the more goth stuff you look so much cool-well more comfortable.”

Fig sighed.

“I don’t know. I’m scared of letting go of it. Everyone knows me as this.I don’t think my friends would even talk to me if I started dressing how I wanted. I honestly think they’d leave me dead in a ditch if I stopped making them look good.”

“No offense but your friends sound like they suck.”

“They do. But what am I supposed to do? Just go out alone?”

“Maybe? I survived this far alone.”

She hugged him even tighter. 

“I don’t remember the last time I didn’t feel alone.” Riz said. “My dad died three years ago. Ever since then I haven’t really known what to do with myself. I’ve tried reaching out but no one really let me in and I’ve sorta kept to myself since then.”

“Well, I’m here. I’m probably not the person you want but I’ll try to be there.”

“That’s nice. I can’t remember the last time anyone was there for me aside from my mom or my babysitter.” He got quiet for a moment. “I don’t think I want to be alone anymore. But I think if I want that, then things, big things, have to change. I’ve been putting off change for so long but I don’t think I can anymore. I don’t even know if I even want to.”

“For what it’s worth. If things had to change I don’t think you being in my life isn’t the worst change to ever happen. You’re kinda cool and so is Sklonda, she handled everything from my magic to me putting dirt in her coffee."

“When did you-”

“Don’t worry about it.”

“Yeah,” He said as if thinking on it. “Yeah, maybe this isn’t the worst change to happen in my life. I don’t really want to stop hanging out with you and Gorthalax is kinda cool despite being kinda-”

“Intimidating. Threatening?”

“A huge nerd.”

That took her back a bit. But she thought about it, how docile he acted around her to the point of almost babying despite her protests that she was too old for it, his long rambling on about old obscure rock bands. Dang it Riz, was right. For all her faults, Sandra Lynn was her only cool parent.

The two of them stood quietly for a moment. 

“So I guess we’re friends, or siblings or some kind of shit. But what do we do now. We basically already broke them up.” She held up the crystal with the now thankfully deleted message. “How do I even begin to fix this?”

“No, you’re thinking wrong.”

Riz raised his fist up to her in a fist bump.

“It's how do _we_ fix this.”

“Riz, I know I just laid out every vulnerability I’ve been too scared to tell anyone to you but you’re still a dork sometimes.”

“Well you’re a bitch sometimes.”

Damn! Where did Riz Gukgak learn to talk back?

“Touche.”

She raised her fist and fist bumped Riz.

“How do _we_ fix this?”

“I have no idea.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I put so much effort into writing stories that don't even make since just for the reward of catharsis. Worth it though. Damn it, I love when characters who have been holding their emotions back finally crack and break down, don't you? Hope you like hurt/comfort because the next chapter is even more of that. Can't believe I've even made it this far. I don't know if any of this is good (well, I do and the answer is "eh") but I do know I'm working really hard on this and that's good enough for me. Love y'all, take care of yourselves. I'm going to bed and test how late I can sleep in before I have to attend zoomiversity.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god I'm getting somewhere close to an actual posting schedule just when I'm almost done with this fic. This might be the first time I put off writing something not because I didn't like it or because I didn't know what to write but just because I was never in the emotional state to write. I'm kind of a, I don't know the best word for it, but an empathetic writer. Like people tell me my work made then emotional and I'm like, 'yeah me too' Writing this was... a lot. All I will say to that is maybe check out the tags again because we're talking a lot about grief here.  
> A while ago I thought about when I was in fifth grade and we had these journal prompts and you could volunteer to read them to the class and I did it every time without fail and I'm like how? It's not like I was all that well liked in fifth grade and I'm not fooling myself into think I was some literary genius at the age of ten. I just thought if I wrote something and I was proud of it it deserved to be shared with other people. For so long I've been defining myself by how closed off and private I am I forget there was a time where I just gave out affection without worrying about whether or not it wanted to be received. I miss that. I'm gonna try to get it back. You guys know way too much about me for being a random stranger who writes fanfic. Look, this is just the right amount of anonymity, no one reads these but some one does and I don't know who and I probably won't ever and I know whoever's reading this already has some invested interest in me. Anyway, the fanfic. The thing you actually clicked on this for.

“I feel like at this point you just have to come clean.” Penny said.

Riz had filled her in on everything he and Fig had been up to the past few weeks. He went back and forth on whether that was a good idea or not, but he trusted Penny and really needed her advice.

Surprisingly, she didn’t respond to all of it with anger. She did say it was the stupidest thing he ever did but she didn’t yell or anything. She just looked at him kind of sadly and bonked him on the head with a box of graham crackers before offering him one.

“Yeah, that’s not really an option.”

“Yes it is. And it’s the best one. Look Riz, you’re going to get caught eventually. You might as well come clean before you do.”

“But what if, hear me out, I made it so I didn’t get caught.”

“You know I thought I’d never get caught when I managed to skip gym for a whole semester. You can only rely on luck for so long.”

“How did you manage to skip gym for a whole semester?”

“I just- no, no I’m not encouraging this. Listen to what I’m saying Riz.”

“I am listening. I just think your plan needs some work.”

She shook her head disapprovingly. 

“You are impossible.”

“But that’s why you like me.”

“I won’t confirm or deny that.”

Just then the door opened and Sklonda came in. 

“Hi, mom.”

“Hi, Ms Gukgak.”

“Hello, my two favorite people.” She said while grabbing a cracker. “Penny, What would I do without you?” 

“Aw please. I’m just happy to help. “ Penny said as she packed her things and left out. 

Sklonda did what she usually did when she arrived home, which was kick off her shoes, sloppily toss her purse to the floor and face plant herself onto their couch.

“Don’t you have a date?” Riz asked. 

“Not until tomorrow. Besides I don’t want to focus on that today. I want to focus on you. I know it’s been a while since we visited your dad’s grave but if you think you’re up to it.” 

Being honest he wasn’t sure he was but he nodded yes anyway. 

Riz didn’t really know how to describe what being at the cemetery was like. It was a really contradictory feeling that was both cold and comforting, distant yet close, nerve wrecking yet calming.

He followed his mom’s trail to the now familiar pathway to Pok’s headstone. When they got there she sort of started at it for a while opening and closing her mouth over and over again before deciding to speak.

“Your dad was...well what wasn’t your dad. Funny, kind, a goddamn genius if I have anything to say about it. My best friend, really. I haven’t known what to do with myself since I lost him. I haven’t known what to do at all. I’ve been pretending I do but I don’t. I’ve been walking around with this empty space and I’ve been trying so hard to fill that space but nothing works. Nothing fills it.”

She paused, looked at Riz with a mix of tenderness and loss. 

“I’m sorry. I’ve been trying to not to grieve too openly in front of you. I’ve been trying to make sure you never felt afraid or lost. I’ve felt like I’ve had to be two people, and two perfect ones at that.”

“Yeah, but you are grieving. And you’re not two perfect people, you’re one great person: my mom.”

“But with all you’re going through you deserve to have someone solid in your life, you don’t need this messed up broken person. You need a mom, and a pretty dependable and exceptional one at that.”

“I don’t need some perfect sitcom mom. I need my mom. You! I know you think you’re doing the right thing by trying to keep yourself together and not showing your emotions but it’s not working. I just feel closed off and left out. What you said about dad just now? That’s the safest I felt in months.”

A small smile formed on her face and she gently ran her fingers through Riz’s hair. 

“Okay. I’ll let you in. I won't hide so much. I promise but can you make a promise to me?”

“Always.”

She pointed at the headstone.

“You have been so stuck here. And while you can always come back here you can’t make this your permanent resting spot, this place isn’t for you to stay, at least not forever, not always. And I’m not saying abandon it. You shouldn’t. You can’t. But you have a place beyond here and I want you to try to find it. We-he wanted so much for you. He wanted you to...well he wanted you to be happy. He wanted you to have dreams so big and to chase after them like nothing could stop you. I know it isn’t your ideal to do it without him. It isn’t anyone’s ideal, but please don’t let that stop you from dreaming. Don’t. There was so much Pok wanted for you and as grim as it is, he was trying so hard to make sure you got it whether he was there or not. I’m not asking you to be happy. I don’t expect you to be. But please, don’t shut happiness out when it comes. Because that’s really all either of us ever wanted you to have.”

Riz really wasn’t sure what to say, so moved closer to his mom and wrapped her in a hug. They stood quietly for a few moments or maybe a few hours before Sklonda asked if he, “Do you want a few moments with just you and him?”

Riz nodded and she gently got up and left.

“Hey…I’ve been taking care of mom like I promised though I think maybe for once I’ll start letting her take care of me. I guess that’s kind of what moms are supposed to do. I don’t know. I hope you’re proud of me , although maybe I haven’t always acted in a way that you would be proud of. I’m trying. You just seemed like such a badass and I just hope I can be half the badass you were. But I’m just Riz. I don’t know, maybe that’s all you wanted me to be. So I’ll be Riz, your weird nerdy son Riz who’s been scared of change for so long but for once is going to start letting it come. I miss you but I guess I’ll just have to accept that missing you is always going to be a part of me.”

They rode back mostly in silence, listening to music on the radio, albums from Sklonda's childhood, songs they normally only played on roadtrips. Riz thought they were driving straight home but Sklonda actually stopped at Basar’s for ice cream

“Shouldn’t you be worried about saving that for a more important occasion?” 

“What do you mean? Ice cream’s incredibly important.” She said while winking.

They arrived home in peace. Riz noticed Sklonda made a weird face at her home as she was setting her stuff down.

“Who’s that?” He asked.

“Gorthalax.”

“Oh.”

“You know I guess if I’m going to be more open with you I have to extend that to my dating life. Me and Gothalax, I don’t know how long this will last, if this is a long term thing or not but I do like him despite some _issues_. However this affects you just as much as it does me and I want to know what you think, what you really think, about all this”

“Well, if I’m being honest, for the most part I’ve been really unsure about all this. But the more I think about it I’m like, yeah he makes you happy, you both get along, he’s a good dude and even meeting that bar is a miracle in of itself. And his daughter is… cool. She’s cool. I think if you think it’s worth it you should keep at it. Don’t knock a good thing while you have it. Also maybe some of those _issues_ aren’t entirely his fault. You know, just a hunch.”

“Hmm. While we’re on the topic. He did text me earlier saying he noticed some unusual behavior between you and Fig and now that I’ve been thinking about it I realized so did I. That set off some of my detective gears and I’m wondering if you can help solve a bit of a case I seem to have on my hand.”

“I don’t know. That might not be my area of expertise.”

“Really, you wouldn’t happen to know anything about phones not working, oddly coincidental “accidents”, and choices that, in hindsight, don’t really seem to make any sense? Also why every time I visit Gorthalax my drinks come back tasting weird?”

“Well, um, maybe you just…” Riz started. 

Then he decided to just say fuck it. Penny was right. She was _always_ right.

“You see about that…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I sure do write a lot of angst for someone who doesn't like writing angst. I wished I followed this up with more sibling content but that's kind of the downside of already having a preplanned story. Next chapter, I promise. But on the other hand: Sklonda! I love the Gukgaks so much it's crazy. I love all fh parents and I just think they're so complex and I like writing them as much as I like writing the kids and I hope I can do it even more (also next chapter, at least a little bit). Sorry for anyone who came here for fluff. I did too. See you soon, take care of yourselves.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For once I’m not going to ramble on about myself. Just read the story.

Fig had gone about the week with her usual routine, which was avoiding her friends and almost every other person and coming home from school to lock herself in her room to play her guitar while ignoring every responsibility she had.

She was sitting on the school yard waiting for her mom to pick her up when she saw a tiny green blur run up to her, and almost knock her over. 

“Fig! We are in code red. I repeat. We are in code red!”

“The fuck?”

“The lab has been contaminated.”

“What?”

“The blimp has a leak and we are going down. I was the one who poked the hole but the blimp has a leak.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

“I confessed.”

“You what!?”

“I felt bad.”

“Well are we in trouble?”

“I think. I don’t know. She didn't yell or punish me or whatever but I overheard her talking to your dad and it sounded like he was going to visit your mom.”

“Huh? My mom. As in Sandra Lynn, my mom?”

“Well do you have any other moms?”

“No.”

“Then that has to be who she means. Maybe you can still fix this. If I’m the brain, then you’re the charm. Charm them. Not literally just get us in the least amount of trouble possible. I have to go or I’ll miss the bus. I believe in you. Bye.”

“Wait! Riz!” 

But he had already left.

…

Fig was in her room, pacing back and forth, trying desperately to come up with an idea. She wished Riz had left her with something as planning really wasn’t her strong suit. Maybe she should just fake her own death. Come up with a fake identity as a cool teen rock star, and skip town. It seemed appealing enough, she’d never had to confront her parents, she’d never have to think about homework or cheerleading again.

As if feeling her resentment, her crystal rang and she saw that the cheer captain was calling her.

_Ugh not now, any time but now._ She thought.

Wait no, she was going to do this now. She couldn’t keep avoiding this forever. At some point she really had to break off this part of her life, seriously, not just slowing drifting away from it. She answered.

“Hey, makeup for cheer tryouts today. Why aren’t you here?”

“I’m not going.”

“What.? Stop joking, and get over here.”

“I’m serious. I’m not joining cheer next year.”

“What do you mean, you’re not joining? We need you.”

“Yeah, you need me. You don’t want me. You don’t want my problems. You don’t want my baggage. You don’t want my style. You don’t want who I am. Well, guess what I don’t want you either.”

“Okay, calm down. What are you going to do if you’re not on cheer? No one would even care about you anymore.”

“You already don’t care about me. And I’m done acting like I care about you. I’m not the sweet girl I’ve been acting like for so long. If I want people to care about me it’s cause I’m gonna be the bitch that does things like rides her skateboard off the school in fishnets and a mini skirt while still looking awesome as fuck.I can’t do that with you. So good bye.” And as she said that she hung up.

Fig felt like she was going to pass out. She was feeling a million things: terror, regret, but also freedom. She looked at herself in the mirror. Her horns were growing even more, her skin was flaring up with acne, her hair still had the dyed streaks and she had eyes and cheeks were smudged with her attempt at “goth makeup” that she didn’t really understand how to do. She still didn’t really know the girl she was looking at . She still didn’t really know who she was but she knew there were thing that she wanted: go to a mosh pit, throw a Molotov cocktail, kiss a boy, kiss a girl, become a fucking rock star. And she knew if she was going to get any of those things to even be possible she had to stop running away from whoever the fuck that person was and instead embrace it. She might not be who others wanted but goddamn if she wasn’t going to be who _she_ wanted.

She collapsed onto her bed thinking she could finally relax when she heard voices. _Oh damn it._ She moved closer to her door, and opened the slightest bit she could while still being able to see outside. She could just make out the back of her mom and in front of her was Gorthalax. Yeah, there was only one reason why her dad would ever step foot in her house with her mom present in it. She tried to make out their conversation getting bits and bits pieces, mostly a lot of mhmms and uh-huhs in that _concerned adult voice_ and disappointed nodding. Pretty soon they moved right next to her room. 

Fig held her breath and tried to keep silent with everything inside of her. She contorted herself until she could get into just the right position where she could hear all they were saying while still remaining unseen. Her mom spoke up.

“I don’t know if I should be telling you this but when I had Fig you know what my strongest emotion was? Fear. When I found out I was pregnant I was feeling many things: fear, shame, worry but I pushed it all away to put one thing to the forefront of my mind: whoever I birth, whoever they are, I want to make sure they’re okay, no matter what happens, they have to be okay, because if I give birth to this child, it’s not about me anymore, it’s entirely about them. I went over and over in my head, please turn out good, please, please turn out good. And you know what, she did?. I don’t always know that she’s okay. I don’t always know that she’s safe. But I do know that she’s good. I regret a lot of things, but I don’t regret her. She’s the best thing I’ve ever made, in fact I don’t think I made her, I think that’s how she is. And out of all the things I’ve done, the only thing I think I’d changed is make sure that she knows that.”

Fig felt a weird feeling in her chest she never quite felt before. She let the door peak open just a tiny bit more.

“Also she looks even better than I did in purple hair.”

Dang it, Fig knew what she was up to. She opened the door and faced her mom.

“Okay, okay, I get it.”

Her mom smiled warmly at her, while her dad looked at her with concern.

“So is there anything you’d like to explain?”

“So, it may be in my best interest to confirm that yes, Riz and I were conspiring together with the intention of putting an end to the relationship between you and Sklonda Gukgak.” 

“Well you for sure have been hanging out in Riz.”

“And in the spirit of fairness, this was my idea.”

“So the restaurant ordeal, the woods, that was all you?”

“But also in fairness, Riz came up with most of the plans.”

“I see. I have a feeling I know the answer, but I want to hear it from you.Why? Why do all of this? I could just brush it off and just say you’re a troublemaker but I know it’s something deeper than that.”

“Well now it sounds really stupid but I didn’t want anyone taking you away from me. I I went most of my life not knowing you and the moment you come into my life it felt like you were immediately being stripped away. I just wanted a chance to be your daughter for once.”

“That’s not stupid at all. That makes perfect sense and your feelings are totally valid. I just wish you told me instead of doing… all of this. If you had spoken, I for sure would’ve done more to make you. In fact from now, I’ll go out of my way to make sure we spend time together. Just you and I. You know I want you to be my daughter. And I want to be your dad. More than anything. You know how happy I was to find out I was a dad? That’s why I tried to make sure you were so involved with me and Sklonda. But I see now that I should’ve asked you about your feelings and what you wanted instead of just assuming them.”

“Can I add something?” Sandra Lynn asked.

“Shoot.”

“I feel like some of this is my fault. So I need to make something very clear. You are someone I wanted. And you are someone I want. But more than that you are your own person, who makes their own decisions and has their own wants. I just want you to let me in a little bit on what those wants are.” 

“I guess what I want is to be your kid. I don’t know sometimes I feel like I don’t have a family, not really.”

Sandra Lynn looked taken aback before her eyes began welling up and she grabbed her daughter into the hardest hug she’d ever gotten from her.

“Oh sweetie of course you do. And please can I be a part of it?”

“Yeah, yeah you can.”

“And can I be too?” Gorthalax asked

“Yes.”

Gorthalax also joined into the hug, almost crushing Fig’s ribs in the process.

“Ah, stop this is lame. Riz is right you are a nerd.”

“He said what?”

She wiggled herself out of her parents arms.

“So what’s my punishment?”

Sandra and Gorthalax exchanged _that parent look_. 

“Well now..” Gorthalax started

“First off, no more access to unmonitored access to our personal property and wandering off without it being clear where exactly you’re going. Not that you should’ve been allowed to do that in the first place.” Sandra said glaring at Gorthalax.

“How was I supposed to predict all this?”

“You can’t! That’s why you don’t leave them alone with shit. You learn that lesson at ten months when you leave them alone with your purse for ten minutes and come back to them feeding chocolate mints to the griffin.”

She turned back to Fig

“Actually I don’t think you should be going anywhere. Period.”

“Wait when am I going to see Riz again?”

“Do you want to see Riz?”

“Oh no no! Nothing would be more torturous!”

“So it’d be a worse punishment if you could see anyone but you could still see Riz?”

“Most definitely., no offense but that kid’s a fucking asshole and having to be near and even, gah, work with him was the worse part of all this.”

“So how about no going out, no technology, but you can still see Riz?”

“Actually I think leaving me with my technology would be a worse punishment. Those crystals man, you don’t know what they’re doing to your brain.”

“Oh come now Sandra, you can’t punish her too hard.”

“Yeah, I’ll be nice and take away your crystal for a couple of weeks.”

“Are you sure?”

“Pretty sure.” She planted her hand over her face. “This whole day..while you absolutely should not have done any of this I still feel bad. I should of done a better job of raising you.”

“Aw mom. You know what, let me get a belly button piercing and all will be forgiven.”

“We’ll talk again eighteenth birthday.”

“How about fourteenth?”

“Sixteenth.Tops.”

“We’ll see about that. But deal.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanna write hurt/comfort okay! I'm addicted to writing heart to hearts it's a problem. Almost done! Actually I am done, the last chapter is just an epilogue to wrap it all up in a pretty bow and an excuse for me to write sibling fluff. I wanna write more about how emotional I am and random shit about my life, but for once, fuck it. I'm so sleepy. I don't even know if any of this chapter made sense. I'm just going to go to bed, hope for the best, and info dump to you next time. Take care of yourself. <3


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Another cw for mental health shit.) ‘Ello. I took a break because just like the start of this mess, my mental health’s been failing. Most of my energy has been spent on staying alive and getting my brain to function, so writing has kinda been left out of the budget. I hate my dumb brain and anxiety but hey I’m alive and that’s kind of the only thing I can be proud of right now. I’m writing this to make me happy and it hasn’t been and so I waited until I got to a point where I could say that this was making me happy. I’m trying. That’s it. I’m trying, because that’s just about the only thing I’m capable of doing.  
> I’ve made it to the end of this mess and I’ve got to say, god this was hard. Not even necessarily writing the story itself, although that was kind of it. It’s more the fact that in order to push myself to post this and keep posting this I had to do things I hate doing such as acknowledging I exist, making something of my existence and worst of all asking others to care that I exist. I’m an overall very sad lonely person who honestly wished that I worked to make my character arc something other than worked up the bravery to post mediocre fanfic online but this is what I’m capable of doing or at least what I chose to be capable of doing, and it is something no matter how small it is in the grand scheme of things. But you know what I’m not going to act like I hate this. I don’t. I really like it. Or act like this wasn’t an accomplishment, it was. Or act like I wasted my time on this, I wanted to do this and I did. I did something and I’m someone who rarely does anything. So I’m going to be happy about and I’m going to be proud of myself. I am no where near who I want to be, but I’m here anyway so I’m not going to spend all my time resenting myself for it. I am someone, I’m the person who made this and I’m a person beyond this so I will say to myself that is enough and I will be happy for being someone and being the somebody who worked really hard to write this and bring it to you.  
> Enjoy, this is pure self-indulgent sweetness. It's pretty short, just a nice little cherry on top.

Fig sat at the bottom of the stairs of Strongtower Apartments tuning the guitar she begged her way into keeping. Riz was lying on the step above her vigorously chewing on a pen.

“Grounded! I don’t think I’ve ever been grounded before. And it’s the first week of summer! No gadgets, no computers, no true crime books. What are we even supposed to do?” Riz said

Fig fought the urge to roll her eyes. 

“You’re forgetting the one thing they can’t take away from us: our brains.”

“Uh, I kinda think that was what got us into this situation.”

“Trust me. I have an idea, just follow my lead.”

“Yeah, I think my brain is telling me to do the opposite.”

“Come on, don’t go all goody two shoes on me now. Do you want to have fun or not?”

Riz frowned but voiced no protests.

“I’ll be right back.” She said as she ran up the stairs and into Gilear’s apartment.

“Hey Gilear, I need money. It’s really important, for a field trip.”

Gilear looked up from the book he was reading and raised his eyebrows.

“To where?”

“You know, the usual museum patch thing.”

“The museum patch thing?”

Fig, unable to come up with a convincing lie, attempted to cast charm person.

‘“Hold, hold it right there, If I’m going to be an enabler of your schemes, I’m going to do it consensually. Here, for your “museum patch field trip”’ 

Fig pulled Gilear into a tight hug.

“Thanks you’re the best. You deserve all the yogurt in the world.”

“I truly don’t but I appreciate you thinking that even if I don't I don’t appreciate the reason you think that.”

Fig ran back down the stairs to Riz, proudly presenting her stash of coins in his face.

“That was a bit too easy.” He said

“This is just between you and me, but I think Gilear’s my favorite parent.”

“So what are the coins for?”

Fig smiled mischievously. 

“Follow me.”

Against his better judgement he did, he her followed down the road behind the apartment complex, through a small patch of shrubbery to small fast food restaurant,

“I was hoping for something a bit more impressive than this.”

“You know any better places within a mile from your place.”

“Fair enough.”

The place was dimly lit and smelled of stale fries and bleach. It was almost completely empty sans an elderly couple, overworked college student and tired,bored looking cashier.

Fig transformed herself into a middle aged tiefling woman, grabbed Riz by the arm and went up to the cashier.

“Hi, I like to make an order for two milkeshakes and a box of fries for me and my son.”

“Son?” Riz aske.d 

She nudged him with her elbow.

“Yes, my son who I am ordering this for as a reward for his good behavior.”

If the cashier thought anything suspicious of this interaction she didn’t voice it and just delivered their order as Fig asked.

“Thank you so much.”

The two kids made their way outside to a dumpster, and dug into their midnight snack with only the dim light of street lamps and an occasional passing car as company.

“Guess we’ll always be meeting at dumpsters.” Riz said.

“They offer a weird sort of privacy.” Fig said dipping a fry into her shake.

“So you know what you’re doing freshman year now that you’ve quit cheerleading?”

“ I don’t know. Maybe I’ll just ditch high school and start a rock band.”

“Why don’t you become a bard?”

“Blah! What are any dumb bard classes going to teach me that I can’t learn myself?”

“Well you might actually learn how to control your magic. No offense.”

“But I’m already starting to get really good.”

Fig attempted to cast a minor illusion of fire instead setting an actual fire on the fries.

“I said getting better, not perfect. Trial and error,” She said while desperately trying to cool them down. “What about you?”

Riz crossed his arms and smirked. 

“Rogue, hands down. You’re looking at the future greatest private investigator in all of Solace. I even got business cards made.”

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small business card labeled _Riz Gukgak: Licensed Private Investigator_ (with the tiniest un next to the word licensed)

“Cool. Right out of the gate and you’re already lying about your credentials. You’ll be great at this.”

“I’m already working on a mystery. There’s are some oddly hollow walls in my apartment and as much as my mom prides herself on being such a good detective I know there’s shit she’s not telling me”

“What could your mom be hiding your tiny dingy apartment?”

“Don’t know but that’s what I’m going to find out.”

“And I’ll help you.”

“You know I never thought I’d be solving cases with a former cheerleader who wears enough fishnet to catch a lake's entire population of fish but here I am.”

Fig smirked while lifting up her leg up atop the dumpster to show off her platform boots. 

“And I’d never thought I’d be ditching curfew to hang out with a kid who never takes off his paperboy hat and carries business cards with him but here I am.”

“I’ve always been so protective of my family. It’s pretty small at least as far as those of us in Elmville. But I think I can make room for someone new in it. I actually think it’s pretty cool to have a weird sister that helps me sneak out at midnight to dip fries into milkshakes with.

“Well my family’s fucking nuts but I think I’m starting to like that. I like my weird family, And I like you being a part of it.”

Riz raised his shake

“To our weird little family.”

Fig raised her and toasted it with Riz’s.

“To our weird little family.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been thinking a long time what it would feel like once I finally finished this story, what grand since of joy or relief or dread I would feel when really all I feel is, nice. I finished a thing, a thing I'd never thought I'd do, a thing I worked really hard of, a thing I'm proud of. And it's nice. I'd say thank you for reading this but in a lot of ways this is a gift for you. If I wanted this story all to myself it'd stay in the daydream zone of my brain but I want to share this. I create stuff to share it. I bake so that others can eat my food, I make cards for my friends and family every year, I'm a gift giver, and this is my gift to you. It's really mess and I wished I had something better but if I have the chance to make one person a little bit happier even if it's just for a little bit, I'll take it. So instead I'm going to say you're welcome. It was a pleasure. Oh by the way, I’m collectoroflovelythings over on Tumblr so check that out if you want more of my bullshit. I hate self-promotion so consider yourself the owner of top secret info. Take care of yourselves, love you angels.

**Author's Note:**

> Any way that's all I got for now. I like comments, and I know this is rare for writers to ask, and definitely take this as a me thing and not a general thing but I'm open to (good faith, respectful) critique. I'm so goddamn new to this and want all the help I can get. I'll try to post this once a week but that's not a ride or die thing. Anyway if you made it this far I love you, please validate me I'm affection starved and am just now realizing the part of me that wants and can write fiction isn't dead. <3


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